Darla's Posts - Knol Stuff2024-03-28T13:18:36ZDarlahttps://knolstuff.com/profile/Darlahttps://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1953554504?profile=RESIZE_48X48&width=48&height=48&crop=1%3A1https://knolstuff.com/profiles/blog/feed?user=2n0urm3md7wk9&xn_auth=noqueer outingtag:knolstuff.com,2008-03-26:1781665:BlogPost:437572008-03-26T23:30:00.000ZDarlahttps://knolstuff.com/profile/Darla
I heard his name said a lot of times even before we met. Usually it came from women. Sexy, chubby, confident, shy, long haired, short haired, even lesbians. All these women say and act the same way when his name gets mentioned, "Do I know Neil?!" eyes would widen with excitement and a smile would break their face then they would say "Yes, I know him" and in a tone lower they would whisper "He's so cute" and then a giggle would enthuse.<br />
<br />
They said he had boyish features like a freshman and nerdy…
I heard his name said a lot of times even before we met. Usually it came from women. Sexy, chubby, confident, shy, long haired, short haired, even lesbians. All these women say and act the same way when his name gets mentioned, "Do I know Neil?!" eyes would widen with excitement and a smile would break their face then they would say "Yes, I know him" and in a tone lower they would whisper "He's so cute" and then a giggle would enthuse.<br />
<br />
They said he had boyish features like a freshman and nerdy glasses that made him cuter and his forever tousled bedhead made all my female colleagues want to get closer to him and get his number. When he smiles at snappy clients they quiet down and relax. This made me curious, I wanted to meet him. But I've learned to rein my curiosity already and not to ask for any introductions. A few weeks later my boss said that I will be working with him for a year. Cool.<br />
<br />
My boss introduced us and as I smiled at him and looked at his face, his eyes conveyed curiosity and doubt. I on the other hand agreed with the rumors but (yes there is a BUT) he was not my type. Something was off, I can't put a finger on it, but I knew that something is different about him. As we both stared at each other with cautious smiles and a firm handshake we both wondered what kind of relationship lies ahead of us.<br />
<br />
We became a good team, better than most. His charisma was able to increase clientele. My cut throat attitude and decisive nature ensured delivery. Together we had the customers all smiles and coming back over and over as new customers became regulars too. He balanced my temperament with his good natured laugh. I handled emergencies and roadblocks as he watched helpless. It was one hell of a tandem. It was a match made in BusinessManagementLand. People got curious. And then the rumors of an office affair started. When Neil and I heard of it we laughed and work more like conspirators on a big cover up. All along, I had the feeling that I was not his type too. That meant peace.<br />
<br />
And like all good things, the year was over. I said goodbye to the industry to start fresh somewhere else while he stayed and decided to become more competitive. There was no formal goodbyes, no exchanging of number, no false promises of emailing each other.<br />
<br />
That was five years ago. Today, out of the blue, I decided to see him. I knew where he worked all these years but I was too busy to visit.<br />
<br />
He was smiling when he looked at me as he stepped out the office. I invited him for lunch and we tried catching up to each others deeds and misdeeds all the time laughing at each other's fiasco. He still looked the same even if he has no bedhead anymore... cute, boyish, sweet. I was looking down on my fish when he asked "So do you have a boyfriend?" I paused for a second and tried not too look too focus on my fish but at the same time wished I would be able to pick a bone out this fillet tuna so that I could change the subject make him forget he asked and move along to a safer topic.<br />
<br />
The opposite sex doesn't ask if one has a beau without any intention behind the question. And the intention was something I wasn't prepared for. And I could not find a single bone on the fish. Damn. Just eat the fish and try not to teeter over his questions, Darla.<br />
Me: "No I don't have a boyfriend."<br />
Neilski: "What!? No boyfriend?!? You!?!"<br />
Me: *groan* "I don't"<br />
Neilski: *still looking shocked and in disbelief*<br />
Me: "Okay, I had one. We broke up. We're still friends. But it's over." *bracing my shoulder*<br />
Neilski: "Why did you break up?"<br />
Me: "He was getting started to do things that I want to retire from already. I respected his choices. I love him but I love myself more."<br />
Neilski: *looking quite solemn* "What are did he wanted to start?"<br />
Me: "Be a gigolo."<br />
Neilski: "Like being paid or just the regular playboy?"<br />
Me: "I didn't ask him that. Maybe the latter."<br />
Neilski:*extends his arm and holds my left hand* "I'm sorry"<br />
Me: *grinning but my mind was climbing up my defense wall* "I'm not sorry. It was sad but it's better now."<br />
Neilski: *nods and let my hand go*<br />
Me: *sighed because my mind was being prodded by a societal taser* "Well, do you have a girlfriend?" *chews a forkful of fish, it tasted bland*<br />
Neilski: "No girlfriend..."<br />
Me: *looked at him and waited* *my mind hoping he would say anything besides getting on my pants or shredding my clothes, he's not my type, he's not my soul mate*<br />
Neilski: "I went out"<br />
Me: *poking on my fish* "Mmhmm" *did I hear him say he went out?*<br />
Neilski: "I went out" *saying it a little slower*<br />
Me: *looked at him* "Okay" *did he mean out like I think he meant out?*<br />
Neilski: *pulls at his phone and starts clicking then passed it to me*<br />
Me: *looked at the screen and then smiles*<br />
Neilski: "He's my boyfriend. I went out."<br />
Me: *looked up grinning* "I think I knew all these years."<br />
<br />
We planned to get drinks later tonight and meet his boyfriend. I felt suddenly ridiculous for worrying, foolish of my presumptions and relieved to hear the confessions. As I said goodbye, he kissed my cheek and I felt safe. He said he will call me later so he can pick me up but I couldn't concentrate because I can feel his hand on my butt.the bitches that stabtag:knolstuff.com,2008-03-26:1781665:BlogPost:436922008-03-26T02:00:00.000ZDarlahttps://knolstuff.com/profile/Darla
I was meaning to blog about the challenges of eating (the Darla way) as soon as I opened my computer but something distracted me as I logged in to Friendster.<br />
<br />
My mind went to a silent gasp when I saw the number under <b>"Who's Viewed Me?"</b>. 97 times since 3/1/2008. Don't get me wrong, I am self-absorbed as any person in the same block and enjoy the attention. It wasn't the number of views that got me distracted, it was the faces behind the number. Okay, not really faces. Lest I hurt the…
I was meaning to blog about the challenges of eating (the Darla way) as soon as I opened my computer but something distracted me as I logged in to Friendster.<br />
<br />
My mind went to a silent gasp when I saw the number under <b>"Who's Viewed Me?"</b>. 97 times since 3/1/2008. Don't get me wrong, I am self-absorbed as any person in the same block and enjoy the attention. It wasn't the number of views that got me distracted, it was the faces behind the number. Okay, not really faces. Lest I hurt the people I love and adore. It was only A FACE. Just one person who got me distracted and opened up emotions that are still raw and painful. Seeing her face made me want to obliterate her. Seriously.<br />
<br />
I started pep talking myself. No need to go to a corner and rock back and forth while my blood boils. It's not right to hate that bovine bitch. Even if until now, months after, I can still feel the knife at my back. Even if she bragged to her subordinates that she has no weakness BUT her greatest accomplishment in the Corporation was having "removed a manager". Oh wow! What a feat indeed. That would cause a hullabaloo in a résumé. It's all water under the bridge, bitch.<br />
<br />
There's only one problem: hi, I'm Darla and even if I have love wedged somewhere in my name, I can hate. Exceedingly. Hate.<br />
<br />
I figured a good dose of walking and shoe hunting would do the trick. Ayala was just 2 blocks away. That should clear my head.<br />
<br />
So I got primped and glossed. I'd never know who I could come across so I gotta be ready. But even if I didn't meet anyone familiar I was with an arm candy and I sure want to be able to match him.<br />
<br />
Me and my arm candy were talking about where to get our super delayed lunch and we decided Japanese because of my eating preferences (yes, I have preferences now. Darla with the Wrester's diet is dead) as we climbed the stairs from the basement parking.<br />
<br />
When we turned to walk to the escalator, I got distracted again and my mind uttered a single word.<br />
<br />
<i>Bitch!!!</i><br />
<br />
Oh not that bovine bitch that I saw in <b>"Who's Viewed Me?"</b> but another bitch. A knocked up bitch. I guess she's now formerly knocked up. But who really cares.<br />
<br />
I should commend her because she looked at me directly and smiled. She smiled like we are friends. She smiled like she was glad to see me. <i>What the fuck?!?</i><br />
<br />
If Mr. Gigolo hears me he'd cluck at my potty mouth.<br />
<br />
I felt my facial muscles tense and for a good second I stared down at her which made her look away. Yeah right bitch. We're not friends. We used to be but the knife you stuck on my back is actually longer than the knife stuck by the bovine bitch. I remember you said before, "I forgive but I don't forget".<br />
<br />
Here's a newsflash for you, I don't forgive when I won't forget. And what you and other bitches did is something unforgettable. You will always be in the top five of my hate list.<br />
<br />
So don't smile at me. Don't small talk to me. Don't make me one of your references. If by happenstance you and the other bitches stumble on me online or offline, shut your pie hole and leave. I made my amends a long time ago and I have no guilt.<br />
<br />
~o~o~o~o~<br />
<br />
On a positive note, I did ask my arm candy (who was a silent witness when I was ambushed by back stabbers) why I have so much hate. He smiled and said he doesn't know. But he added, "Maybe coz you're Darla." How comforting.<br />
<br />
~o~o~o~o~<br />
<br />
On a more positive note, Bitter Bastard (BB) chatted me that I should have made small talk with the (formerly) knocked up bitch and said, "Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again."disorganized Dtag:knolstuff.com,2008-03-20:1781665:BlogPost:435802008-03-20T10:30:00.000ZDarlahttps://knolstuff.com/profile/Darla
Traveling is still something that I have yet to master. That's too broad. Packing for traveling is still something that I have yet to master. Either I am too scatter brained or I need lists for me not to forget something when I pack for a trip. I always leave something behind. And it's something that I would need.<br />
<br />
<br />
Take for example my previous trip to Boracay. I packed hours in advance while I was still sober just to make sure I don't leave anything behind. I was pretty positive I brought…
Traveling is still something that I have yet to master. That's too broad. Packing for traveling is still something that I have yet to master. Either I am too scatter brained or I need lists for me not to forget something when I pack for a trip. I always leave something behind. And it's something that I would need.<br />
<br />
<br />
Take for example my previous trip to Boracay. I packed hours in advance while I was still sober just to make sure I don't leave anything behind. I was pretty positive I brought everything and was enjoying this success of finally being able to take with me everything that I brought to Boracay only to receive a text message from Tanduay Babe that I left my favorite bikini. I was able to retrieve it when I came back but I badly missed that bikini.<br />
<br />
<br />
Right now I'm waiting to board my plane to Manila and I realized I left 3 things: my hair brush, my cold medicine, and my shades. How can I possibly leave my hair brush? My hair will be all over and it would tangle up. Thinking of borrowing The Colonel's comb is making me groan. I suppose I can do without my cold medicine but my shades... I'm going to the beach and this is not going to be fun at all.<br />
<br />
<br />
I have now started a mental list of places to go so I can get shades but reality hit me...All shops are closed on Good Friday. This is giving me an unshakeable sadness. I try convincing myself that it won't matter but it doesn't really comfort me. I need my happy pills...if I can just find it.naïve arttag:knolstuff.com,2008-03-19:1781665:BlogPost:434722008-03-19T23:30:00.000ZDarlahttps://knolstuff.com/profile/Darla
On a rare occasion you may just make me speechless. In my 28 years and more recently the last five years I have caught my self speechless so on far these three occasions:<br />
~in a fight<br />
~in a really sweet compliment<br />
~in an indecent proposal<br />
<br />
Today, I add one more to the list that makes me speechless:<br />
~in an uncalled for opportunity<br />
<br />
Sometimes despite the noise I am surrounded with or the absence of silence I mentally retreat from everything and go inside a room with parquet floors and wood grain…
On a rare occasion you may just make me speechless. In my 28 years and more recently the last five years I have caught my self speechless so on far these three occasions:<br />
~in a fight<br />
~in a really sweet compliment<br />
~in an indecent proposal<br />
<br />
Today, I add one more to the list that makes me speechless:<br />
~in an uncalled for opportunity<br />
<br />
Sometimes despite the noise I am surrounded with or the absence of silence I mentally retreat from everything and go inside a room with parquet floors and wood grain vinyl walls. In this room I am eight again and I walk towards a wooden study table and pull a drawer and start picking a piece of oslo papers and a brush. I pull down the foldable table and sit down. Then as i grip the paintbrush and wet the tip with water I am brought back to my present surroundings and my room vanishes only to reappear again later.<br />
<br />
Yes, I used to paint using watercolors, dry and oil pastels, tempera. And I used to draw using charcoal, colored pencils, crayons, and silverpoint. I had stacks of papers of landscapes, still life, and abstracts. While other children enjoy playing with dolls and <i>patintero</i> I was contented painting and drawing. When discovered calligraphy I was mesmerized that I could make beautiful letters and numbers compared to a typewriter. My brushes and paints were my closest friends because they open up a different rabbit hole that I can explore at my own pace without the rushing and without forcing.<br />
<br />
I wanted to learn from the best painters in the country. I dreamt people would look and be captivated to explore the rabbit holes that I have seen and been. These art works calmed the tempest moods in me and the I felt unique and special like Tanduay Girl and 3rd Mate. Being middle and invisible to my parents eyes and affection didn't matter when I am bent down mixing colors and my sure strokes hide the whiteness of the paper.<br />
<br />
One December family reunion, I noticed a small painting on the wall of my uncle's house. It was a still life and the paint looked fresh and wet. We were taught not to touch things without permission but I couldn't contain myself and my small fingers reached up to touch it and was surprised to discover the paint was actually dry. I asked my uncle if I could hold the painting and he brought it down for me to look more closely at. I stared at it for a long time, my eyes exploring every inch of the painting. I asked if I can touch it and he said yes. My fingers slowly touched the the painting try to feel every bump and enjoying the texture of it. That was the day I fell in love with oil and was excited to explore it. It had no rabbit holes it was a movement of color and strokes that can bring me very far.<br />
<br />
On the way home I asked if I they can please buy me a canvas and oil paint. I was told that those were expensive and that I should consider some other hobby because painting doesn't feed. If I become a painter I would surely be hungry, I was told. When we got home, my paint, my brushes, my pens, my papers were removed and thrown. No more painting, no more drawing, no more rabbit holes.<br />
<br />
Eight years after, I was bent over with a scalpel on my right hand and a Kelly forceps on my left. As I made the first cut on the abdomen of the frog I paused to check if my sleeping frog was bleeding, the lab work required that no blood vessel be severed in order for us to watch the heart pump blood to all blood vessels. My professor peered at my work, "Good. Carry on." I bent over again and whispered to my frog my gratitude for his sacrifice. I was about to go out of the room after lab when he stopped me with a question, "Do you paint?" I whispered I did. He nodded and said that explains my wrist and steady hands.<br />
<br />
Today I visited my foster parents and was greeted with tall canvases. I stopped at the first canvas and said that this is a beautiful watercolor landscape. My foster dad looked at me surprised but pleased. He said that he wanted me to meet the painter and there I met in person <a href="http://www.artcebu.com/artist_fredgalan.html">Siegfredo Rosales Galan</a>. A half painted canvas was in front of him and we both looked at it. A single word escaped my lips, "Oil".<br />
<br />
I felt Mr. Galan's eyes watching my face and after a couple of minutes he said "Yes. Would you want to learn? I can teach you."<br />
<br />
I looked at him incredibly a thousand words and a thousand fears sprang in me but I could not say a word.watercooler chicktag:knolstuff.com,2008-03-19:1781665:BlogPost:434542008-03-19T04:30:00.000ZDarlahttps://knolstuff.com/profile/Darla
I had a night out last week with my friends in The Corporation. My pathetic life was, for a couple of hours, packed with people who I once worked with and smiled with and really mean it. Except for a minor blip of questionable characters popping up once in awhile and exclaiming “Darla!!!” and would sit with us to hob nob everything went well quite smoothly.<br />
<br />
These minor blip of questionable characters who popped once in awhile saying my name and would sit with us to hob nob are really a piece…
I had a night out last week with my friends in The Corporation. My pathetic life was, for a couple of hours, packed with people who I once worked with and smiled with and really mean it. Except for a minor blip of questionable characters popping up once in awhile and exclaiming “Darla!!!” and would sit with us to hob nob everything went well quite smoothly.<br />
<br />
These minor blip of questionable characters who popped once in awhile saying my name and would sit with us to hob nob are really a piece of work. You would love them. And I mean reeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaally looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove them. They're the kind of people who would smile when your riding on the top but wouldn't hesitate to devour you like vultures when you go down down down your lofty place. I wanted to shoo them off the table but out of respect to my friends who still work there I didn't. Sure I probably froze some of them, but I couldn't care less. Not then. Not now. Not ever. As they sat with us I can see the hunger in their eyes. Mmmmm...I think I'll throw some juicy scraps to these vultures for fun.<br />
<br />
Despite the sudden abortion from The Corporation 3 months ago I am still very much gossiped in the office and this was something I shared to AA. I feel like I am on some extended leave because people still talk to me about the latest office rumors and I am still talked about. There is an invisible umbilical cord attached to The Corporation and me and I can only wait until it dries up and get severed. She exclaimed that I have worked there for almost 4 years and I can't expect things to change yet.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://happybeingd.blogs.friendster.com/.shared/image.html?/photos/uncategorized/giggles_2.jpg"><img alt="Giggles_2" title="Giggles" src="http://happybeingd.blogs.friendster.com/happy_being_d/images/giggles_2.jpg" width="160" height="110" border="0" style="float: left; margin: 0px 5px 5px 0px;"/></a>Nothing surprising about that. I am not one who shies away from controversy and quite recently I used a primary picture that confirmed a controversial issue. This had my Friendster account suffer tachycardia and I waited until my former fallen angel for a boss checked my Friendster account himself before I killed the picture. I've reposted the picture for those voyeurs out there, I'm sure my Friendster won't suffer a heart attack.<br />
<br />
That was a fun game. But AA topped my prank by telling me a juicy tidbit that tickled me pink. I dunno how true this is but it sure is funny still. This time she shared about a featured video of me and my partner in crime in the old primary picture taken while we were strolling in the mall. This <i>scandal</i> was shown in my former fallen angel for a boss' Christmas Party last week. Up until that moment I had a strong belief that people celebrate the birth of Christ and give love on Christmas. This information made me laugh because of the irony of the entire Christmas celebration. They should have celebrated Hanukkah instead it would make much more sense.<br />
<br />
One of my former supervisors chatted me earlier and he and I got to talk about that <i>scandal</i>. If there is anyone I am concerned about being affected by such subject it would be him. I asked him if he felt betrayed when he found out. He said that it's a personal thing already and not part of business for him. This person who was one of the few I valued close to my heart when I was still in The Corporation suddenly moved closer to my heart. I must admit a sigh of relief escaped me comforted by the thought that the people I have picked before had never failed me. The people who stood by me in my darkest days in The Corporation are people I would never hesitate shedding blood for.<br />
<br />
As for the vultures...find another corpse. I owe you nothing.regurgitation of desiretag:knolstuff.com,2008-03-18:1781665:BlogPost:434422008-03-18T20:00:00.000ZDarlahttps://knolstuff.com/profile/Darla
I walked the familiar sidewalk heading towards the Arts & Science Building and climbed the stairs towards the Office of the Faculty. Nothing has changed. The cement walls are darker though due to smog and aging which added more to its dreary look. I opened the door of the Office of the Faculty and sighed with relief as the cold AC caressed my face, at least there are improvements. I inquired to a petite forty-ish woman of the status of my clearance form so I can get my grades. I had to wait…
I walked the familiar sidewalk heading towards the Arts & Science Building and climbed the stairs towards the Office of the Faculty. Nothing has changed. The cement walls are darker though due to smog and aging which added more to its dreary look. I opened the door of the Office of the Faculty and sighed with relief as the cold AC caressed my face, at least there are improvements. I inquired to a petite forty-ish woman of the status of my clearance form so I can get my grades. I had to wait for her to finish rummaging around her messy desk and drawers. I realized then she lost my clearance. She told me to ask Sir Ian if he has my form because she gave it to him. I looked across the room and saw a small man wearing a red shirt who was talking to a student and then I knew I had to wait some more. Time for me to sit down and look up the ceiling as I listen to Silent Poets transport me to the sunshiny place of Boracay only to be brought back my a noisy ceiling fan that has seen better days.<br />
<br />
There were a group of students waiting like they always do every year at this time of the year only this time it was of different clothes but if you look closely on at their eyes they are all the same. Faces of people waiting, tired expectant faces, hopeful faces, desperate faces. As if at that moment their souls are laid bare and they are to be given judgement by their deeds. But there is no God to judge them here. Only professors and faculty members who adjudicate without consideration of how much allowance they have left or their personal issues that tend to clog their reasons at times. These undergraduates are judged by what they write, about the survey results, of case studies, of their thesis. Their testimony is black and white, double space, font size 12. Or so I hope to believe.<br />
<br />
I like to believe that I am no optimist. I walked in this office with dread like I've always had six years ago. It hasn't been that long ago, has it? Six years ago when I gave up on this silent form of prison. That was how I've always looked at college, a prison without walls but only long stretches of expectation from my parents whom I have defied. I felt trapped in courses I did not want but I am certain The General would have 10 sentences to negate mine. She couldn't understand why I left university when other people clamor to be given the opportunity. She let me go through psychological test after test to know if my IQ made me unfit to the University of the Philippines (UP) - the most prestigious university in the Philippines where people are labelled intellectuals, ideologists, reds, and gifted. Different adjectives that still resulted to greatness no matter what. Apparently, she said, I am borderline genius, no reason whatsoever to fail.<br />
<br />
I was once one of the many proud who had their left hand formed to fist raised to the air <a href="http://happybeingd.blogs.friendster.com/.shared/image.html?/photos/uncategorized/upoblation.jpg"><img alt="Upoblation" title="The completely nude figure of a young man with outstretched arms and open hands, with tilted head, closed eyes and parted lips murmuring a prayer, with breast forward in the act of offering himself, is my interpretation of that sublime stanza. It symbolizes all the unknown heroes who fell during the night. The statue stands on a rustic base, a stylized rugged shape of the Philippine archipelago, lined with big and small hard rocks, each of which represents an island. The “katakataka” (wonder plant) whose roots are tightly implanted on Philippine soil, is the link that binds the symbolized figure to the allegorical Philippine Group. “Katakataka” is really a wonder plant. It is called siempre vivo (always alive) in Spanish. A leaf or a piece of it thrown anywhere will sprout into a young plant. Hence, it symbolizes the deep-rooted patriotism in the heart of our heroes. Such patriotism continually and forever grows anywhere in the Philippines." src="http://happybeingd.blogs.friendster.com/happy_being_d/images/upoblation.jpg" width="280" height="214" border="0" style="float: right; margin: 0px 0px 5px 5px;"/></a>while singing <i>UP Naming Mahal</i>. I used to walk the road to the University with my head held high while I smiled and greeted my professors who come in late in class. I used to be hopeful that I would be illustrious, influential, and impressive. But after so many years all I am known the records of UP is a number... I am merely 96-53408. I had so much promise, so much talent, so much potential. I heard this said and I still hear it being said once in awhile. What happened, you asked? Simple. One phone call on 1998 made me indifferent. I realized then that family didn't care if you are intelligent or you have high grades or you have friends who accept you for who you are or if you want to follow the desires of your heart. They base your success if you did as what you are expected and put whatever you want in a backseat. When I realized this I knew that I would not be able to contain myself and while my siblings will always be afraid of the Power Couple I refused to be dictated on what defines my happiness. So I removed my tiara packed my bags looked at the General and made a promise. As she looked at me with anger and betrayal in her eyes I turned around and left. I ran away, I ran fast and far, I ran without fear.<br />
<br />
For four years after I ran I tried to still finish my degree out of pride. I will never allow them to have the audacity to even say, “We told you so” they expected me to come back begging for forgiveness. But professors cannot understand the difficulty of going to classes while balancing an 8-hour job. You can only serve one master, they said. And so I served my job. Because of this I failed, so it seemed. I failed their standard of success. I am, of all my siblings, at the bottom of the pit hole without a ladder to bring me up with only my nails and gut to push me upward. The woman who had the potential but was stupid enough to run away. I had a different notion of success, yet while I feel liberated I can still feel the shackles of disappointing my parents weighing down on me.<br />
<br />
A silent voice echo over and over in an empty room in my mind, “If only...” but these words though it is said over and over is left unfinished. Often times I challenge it and think, “If only I finished my studies” but my experiences mock this thought. “If only I listened to them and tried harder” but my growth disqualify this wishful thinking. What do I really regret about, I wonder. Nothing. What I feel is yearning. I yearn to keep the promise I gave the General ten years ago. But it isn't a form of regret that has crippled me. It is a silent longing that doesn't wane or wax at times goes by. Yes, despite by foolhardiness it is something I aspire not for the Power Couple to enjoy but for my own personal satisfaction. If only...<br />
<br />
I have the patience to wait. To wait for professors to come to class on time, wait for faculty to sign clearance forms, wait long lines as I enroll on prerequisites and required courses, wait for faculty to criticize my thesis, wait for classmates stop gushing about who got the high scores, wait for grades to come out at the end of 5 months. Because in the real world these things I should wait about isn't as important as when I make things to happen.<br />
<br />
As I look up from my computer a 20 year old girl with windblown hair walked out the internal faculty office and half ran to her friends saying her thesis was accepted and she just have to wait for finals. Like a voyeur eager to share other's pleasure to build my own, my curiosity made me stop what I was doing and watch their exchange of pleasantries and congratulations punctuated by questions of how it went and what were the questions asked. The windblown hair girl parried their questions with futility, she was a bottle of Dom Perignon uncorked all bubbly and tinkly and pink.<br />
<br />
They caught me staring at them and they smiled shyly but lowered their voices the same time. I looked back down at my computer and tried to remember what was my fingers spouting. Ah yes, waiting. I asked myself if I am willing to wait again like a sixteen year old waiting to grow up. I can't, I shouldn't, I refuse to. I am not waiting again. But the yearning will never end.<br />
<br />
Sir Ian came by my chair and I asked if he has my clearance. He said he gave it to the the secretary a couple of days ago. So she really may have lost it. Alright. I am not waiting. I am going to run like what I have been doing for a decade now. But this time I won't be running away. I will be running towards what I yearn. And there will be no more third party expectations to try to reach. Just mine.the scotoma undercardtag:knolstuff.com,2008-03-18:1781665:BlogPost:433792008-03-18T03:00:00.000ZDarlahttps://knolstuff.com/profile/Darla
Weird nights and funny days! I was dreaming last Saturday night that I was thirsty. So in my dreams I would grab water and gulp it down but I would still be thirsty so I gulped Gatorade, Coke, more cold water but I was still thirsty. I woke up really thirsty and my roomy, Pi, gave me a glass of water.<br />
<br />
Don't even try to psychoanalyze my dream, Dr. Freud, I went to bed thirsty and woke up more thirsty because summer is here. That's the rational explanation of it all.<br />
<br />
Sunday was a big day to all…
Weird nights and funny days! I was dreaming last Saturday night that I was thirsty. So in my dreams I would grab water and gulp it down but I would still be thirsty so I gulped Gatorade, Coke, more cold water but I was still thirsty. I woke up really thirsty and my roomy, Pi, gave me a glass of water.<br />
<br />
Don't even try to psychoanalyze my dream, Dr. Freud, I went to bed thirsty and woke up more thirsty because summer is here. That's the rational explanation of it all.<br />
<br />
Sunday was a big day to all my boy friends. It wasn't because of me. As a matter of fact, no amount of prodding to go to the beach or watch a movie can make them get up because their demi-god was fighting on TV. Sunday was the day Manny Pacquiao fought with Juan Manuel Marquez for the (correct me if I am wrong) WBC International Super Featherweight Champion title. Never in my entire life was I able to captivate hordes of men for an hour. And this was done by a topless man wearing boxing gloves. How was the fight? I've seen better fights. But I pout my lips because I get no love.<br />
<br />
And since we're in the topic of no love, Mr. Gigolo (formerly Mr. Sizzle) sent me a message yesterday...<br />
"Hey D, I miss the most sexiest girl in the Philippines :( I hope u r well and behaving. I miss ur smile and watching ur hair blow in the breeze. XOXOXOXO"<br />
<br />
I have a feeling... I'm not sure what though. I suppose I have no feeling, actually. The little things that I used to find cute about him borderline to boring now. I suppose every human eye has a blind spot and we look at things only how we want it to or when we want to or how we want it to be. But when additional pieces of our life falls into places it wasn't there the first time we look our perspectives change --- whether for better of for worse --- irrevocably.<br />
<br />
He asked me today if I was misbehaving. I said no. But he laughed and said I have this look that I am misbehaving. Doh! And as he was sharing to me about his weekend and his upcoming week my mind went to a fast reverse and stopped and played slow motion of our past and what he said. As I looked at his beautiful face smiling across the miles, a single thought froze my smile, "I don't care." His question brought me back to the present and I said, "What?"<br />
<br />
"So have you been misbehaving?" he asked. My mind screamed, "I don't care". I smiled and he said, "You were." I shook my head and smiled some more, if he gets jealous because of his false conclusions I don't care. "Oh, you are" he said some more. I gave it a little more effort, for old times' sake. "I wasn't doing anything nasty-nasty, if that's what you wanted to know."<br />
<br />
As I said these words, I realized that a part of me still see him in romantically rose colored glasses and I will wear it once in awhile for sometime until it will break or I lose it. Somehow, I know, additional pieces have fallen into place. My blind spot is slowly shifting and while I can try to protect him from the pain of my rejection, I would only protect myself from the pain of denial.the beast kingtag:knolstuff.com,2008-03-15:1781665:BlogPost:432182008-03-15T06:00:00.000ZDarlahttps://knolstuff.com/profile/Darla
Ooooh, today has been pretty fun. I had a chance to catch up with Tanduay Babe and we shared a few laughs. Don't bother asking about what, it's a sibling thing. We caught up in Yahoo Messenger which is a good thing because no one has to spend their load on cellphones and she is hoarsy from cheering for the <a href="http://bugsayboracay.multiply.com/journal/item/2/Sabay_Kampay">Bugsay Dragon Boat Team</a> and for the <a href="http://www.beachultimate.org/home.html">2008 Ultimate Frisbee</a>. If…
Ooooh, today has been pretty fun. I had a chance to catch up with Tanduay Babe and we shared a few laughs. Don't bother asking about what, it's a sibling thing. We caught up in Yahoo Messenger which is a good thing because no one has to spend their load on cellphones and she is hoarsy from cheering for the <a href="http://bugsayboracay.multiply.com/journal/item/2/Sabay_Kampay">Bugsay Dragon Boat Team</a> and for the <a href="http://www.beachultimate.org/home.html">2008 Ultimate Frisbee</a>. If there is a party girl honor roll, Tanduay Babe will make it to the top 5. She's got my niece and my brother-in-law (who I have yet to figure what alias to call him) that's why she wouldn't make it to the Top 3. *grin*<br />
<br />
<a href="http://knolstuff.com/profiles/blog/show?id=1781665%3ABlogPost%3A43222">The General</a> and I were able to catch up in Yahoo Messenger also. She was telling me a story about a king who did not reckon God so God turned him into a beast and he had to eat grass in the fields for a couple of years until he acknowledged God. I asked who is this king and she said she can't remember the name and I should ask the Colonel because his memory is better than her. Well I don't want to bug the Colonel with my childish curiosity so I did a couple of searches and found that she was referring to King Nebuchadnezzar who was said to be the greatest monarch of Babylon, if not the entire East, ever had. He was punished for his pride and vanity with a mental illness called lycanthropy.<br />
<br />
Then Mr. Sizzle started chatting me too. He's in a mood because his latest attempt wasn't successful. Well, it's a game. You win some and lose some. But being all cheery I tried to share some love by offering him a mantra I chant whenever I get rejected and that cheered him up a bit. So he started sharing affirmative statements he says to himself but the first one floored me. He said he says to himself, "I am a god...".<br />
<br />
Hmmm...I don't know about that. I've been chewed alive and spit out alot of times that I know I am not a god. Never in my mind have I claimed that I am a god. That idea is something I will never tread upon. I didn't say this to him. That's his thing. But one thing's for sure, even if I only found out today the story of King Nebuchadnezzar, I guess I knew all along that to think I am a god is a blasphemy to the One who created minute atoms and grand heavenly beings. It's not that I am even afraid to eat grass in the fields for years. I just know deep within me that it's a lie to claim I am a god.<br />
<br />
I had to go see some friends and catch up on the latest gossip so I said goodbye to Mr. Sizzle. But as I closed my black box and grabbed my bag I uttered a simple prayer for Mr. Sizzle. He does not know what he claims but if a lesson is to be learned let Your will be done.<br />
<br />
Note to self: Should change Mr. Sizzle's alias to Mr. Gigolounder repairtag:knolstuff.com,2008-03-14:1781665:BlogPost:432172008-03-14T16:30:00.000ZDarlahttps://knolstuff.com/profile/Darla
<a href="http://happybeingd.blogs.friendster.com/.shared/image.html?/photos/uncategorized/underconstruction.gif"><img alt="Underconstruction" border="0" height="150" src="http://happybeingd.blogs.friendster.com/happy_being_d/images/underconstruction.gif" style="float: left; margin: 0px 5px 5px 0px;" title="Underconstruction" width="150"></img></a> If you find my blog confusing as posts suddenly appear dated on previous months when it wasn't there the first time, sorry. I have three reasons.<br />
<br />
1. I am really confusing.<br />
2. I am moving my old posts from another blogsite I started from Blogdrive as I plan to bury it and just focus on this site and my Friendster blog altogether.<br />
3. I am really confusing, really.<br />
<br />
So…
<a href="http://happybeingd.blogs.friendster.com/.shared/image.html?/photos/uncategorized/underconstruction.gif"><img alt="Underconstruction" title="Underconstruction" src="http://happybeingd.blogs.friendster.com/happy_being_d/images/underconstruction.gif" width="150" height="150" border="0" style="float: left; margin: 0px 5px 5px 0px;"/></a>If you find my blog confusing as posts suddenly appear dated on previous months when it wasn't there the first time, sorry. I have three reasons.<br />
<br />
1. I am really confusing.<br />
2. I am moving my old posts from another blogsite I started from Blogdrive as I plan to bury it and just focus on this site and my Friendster blog altogether.<br />
3. I am really confusing, really.<br />
<br />
So bear with me, my happy pills will get this done in an orderly manner and everything should transition smoothly. Anyhoo, weekend is here... you guys party hard but as Tanduay Babe always advice me "BE SAFE".placebo friendtag:knolstuff.com,2008-03-13:1781665:BlogPost:432162008-03-13T22:30:00.000ZDarlahttps://knolstuff.com/profile/Darla
I feel accomplished today. After more than a month of waiting I finally got my new passport. Yip Yip!!! <a href="http://happybeingd.blogs.friendster.com/.shared/image.html?/photos/uncategorized/passport2.JPG"><img alt="Passport2" border="0" height="280" src="http://happybeingd.blogs.friendster.com/happy_being_d/images/passport2.JPG" style="float: right; margin: 0px 0px 5px 5px;" title="Passport2" width="200"></img></a><br />
May not seem much to you, but for someone waiting on moving to Canada this shiny maroon booklet is a treasure. Now all I need to do is wait on my diploma and my transcript. This whole waiting game is quite challenging.<br />
<br />
Jay came over again and tried to cheer up my bruised…
I feel accomplished today. After more than a month of waiting I finally got my new passport. Yip Yip!!! <a href="http://happybeingd.blogs.friendster.com/.shared/image.html?/photos/uncategorized/passport2.JPG"><img alt="Passport2" title="Passport2" src="http://happybeingd.blogs.friendster.com/happy_being_d/images/passport2.JPG" width="200" height="280" border="0" style="float: right; margin: 0px 0px 5px 5px;"/></a><br />
May not seem much to you, but for someone waiting on moving to Canada this shiny maroon booklet is a treasure. Now all I need to do is wait on my diploma and my transcript. This whole waiting game is quite challenging.<br />
<br />
Jay came over again and tried to cheer up my bruised ego. He raised his eyebrow when he saw me all mopey after aborting my futile hanky-panky with Mr. Sizzle. <i>"May asim ka pa"</i>, he jovially pointed out and he added, <i>"Twenty years from now I'd still want to tear off your clothes."</i> Erhmmmm... while some people will be flattered by this thought I have grown to dread it after countless times of hearing it. I have a brain you know, and I am quite talented too. The way he said it made me cringe...I feel like a walking love doll and wonder why most men I meet are superficial.<br />
<br />
I just wish men would get over female body parts and once in a while (or at least more than once) men would listen to what women want. I was musing about these things when he told me to stop ruining my face by not smiling. I got up and said as I walked towards the kitchen Jay gave me the funniest proposal ever.<br />
<br />
"Maybe we need to get you your happy pills now D."<br />
<br />
Never mind if he always tries to get into my pants, Jay has always been a sensible friend when I need one.pumelledtag:knolstuff.com,2008-03-13:1781665:BlogPost:432142008-03-13T14:00:00.000ZDarlahttps://knolstuff.com/profile/Darla
I have been wanting to blog about this but have been holding off because blogging about it would mean exposure. Waking up this morning I was having a blueberry danish breakfast and my iTunes was playing Fergie's Velvet. Everything was calm and a sunny happy day until I got to my third bite and Fergie seductively sings, "what you do to me conjures up feelings I’ve never felt before and your company I adore".<br></br>
<br />
This combo punch made my knees quiver with the avalanche of memories of Mr.…
I have been wanting to blog about this but have been holding off because blogging about it would mean exposure. Waking up this morning I was having a blueberry danish breakfast and my iTunes was playing Fergie's Velvet. Everything was calm and a sunny happy day until I got to my third bite and Fergie seductively sings, "what you do to me conjures up feelings I’ve never felt before and your company I adore".<br/>
<br />
This combo punch made my knees quiver with the avalanche of memories of Mr. Sizzle. I won't be able to shake this until I do two things today. 1. Is to blog it...<br/>
<br />
I am debating if I should go back to the genesis of this sordid affair and decided to keep whatever pride I have left and ruled down writing about everything. So what am I going to share then, you ask? Why bother when I'm not going to come out clean, you say? Cut me some slack here because as words start forming in my mind and my fingers try to type it my thumb and index fingers keep on highlighting previous typed words and my ring finger hover over the delete button. I just simply don't know where to begin.<br/>
<br />
All I can remember, or try to remember, is that the affair is over and his faraway words I heard on the early days we were seeing each other that he just got off a four year relationship and for a long time he didn't want to be committed to a woman. He wants more than one woman. He wants different women at any given time. Well, I thought I can manage that. If that's all he can give then so be it, after all, I don't see myself being in the same city even country as him in the next six months or year. So we had a deal, I can go dating and he can go schmooze all the women he can meet.<br/>
<br />
So what am I gripping about? I thought I wouldn't get hurt... I've survived worse than what he said so this should've been a piece of cake for this party girl. But he said those three words, and he said it again and again, and he wants me to make a honest man out of him, and then he would be jealous or act jealous. And as days progressed to weeks to months, I wasn't seeing anyone else and he wasn't seeing anyone else and no one was living up to the expectations we initially agreed upon. Should've been nice right? Hopeful, as my Best Friend said.<br/>
<br />
Yeah, except this little voice inside me told me this is too good to be true. I got seduced and he got seduced and both of us was headed to a precipice and one of us will eventually be thrown over ending up hurt, damaged, and incapacitated. So I asked S bluntly what are we expecting out of this relationship? We were getting exclusive but he's always wanted to be a ladies man so why the hell is he saying he loves me. I totally forgot what we were saying to each other that day we agreed to stop this charade and he would start on his lifetime trip of being a <i>God's gift to women</i>.<br/>
<br />
So move along now. There's not much to see. No tears. No blood. Just one bruised ego and another box of luggage that doesn't even match the others I am already bringing along to a trip to AmbiguityLand.<br/>
<br />
But before I go there I need to do the second thing...change my friendster's primary photo.ghosts and fearstag:knolstuff.com,2008-03-12:1781665:BlogPost:430612008-03-12T15:00:00.000ZDarlahttps://knolstuff.com/profile/Darla
I'm having a writer's block today. I want to write but I don't know what of and how. From my experience, I know that the best way to survive this is to keep on writing. Write silly things, write even it won't inspire, write and write. Because if i don't write the longer it will take for my muse to come back. So I will go on writing even if this is going to bore me.<br />
<br />
I woke up late today after watching Season 1 of the Ghost Whisperer. If it's scary or not is something I can't decide on. After…
I'm having a writer's block today. I want to write but I don't know what of and how. From my experience, I know that the best way to survive this is to keep on writing. Write silly things, write even it won't inspire, write and write. Because if i don't write the longer it will take for my muse to come back. So I will go on writing even if this is going to bore me.<br />
<br />
I woke up late today after watching Season 1 of the Ghost Whisperer. If it's scary or not is something I can't decide on. After all, I hate those things that suddenly appear on the screen but Ghost Whisperer is a tear jerker rather than a horror show. Their depiction of earthbound spirits make me wonder and Miranda and Jim's relationship is something I envy.<br />
<br />
A scene showed Jim hugging Miranda and saying, "After I have convinced myself that there is nothing more to love about you, you do something to surprise me and love you more" this made my eyes well up and loneliness hugged me and refused to let me go. Like a tidal wave I am accosted with thoughts that at the age of 28 I am single and I just might never marry. Suddenly, I am afraid and mopey.<br />
<br />
I made a mental inventory of all my girlfriends, and except for the single parents and lesbians, all are married, seemingly happy, and have children. I wonder then what I lack that I can't find <i><b>the one</b></i> and they did. A couple of boy friends came over this afternoon to ask me if I want to climb Osmena Peak with them this weekend, I had to decline as I have to go to Manila again for my orientation to go to Canada. While drinking sodas and exchanging silly banters, Jay asked me why I look so pensive and my eyes reverted too quickly to his face. I feigned innocence and asked if I was that obvious and he replied with a smile. Can't fool him, after all these years what can I expect. I mumbled that I feel so single today. "What?!?" he said too loudly and suddenly everyone became quiet and looked at me.<br />
<br />
"Look", I said, "it's going to pass, I hope. So stop staring at me like I have leprosy or something!" Jay kept looking at me and I asked him what did I say. He just shrugged his shoulders and said, "What if it doesn't pass?" Damn. I thought about this and figured it's gotta pass. Even feelings and moods are my choice. But a small part of me is afraid.<br />
<br />
I tried to shake off the feeling after they left and said to myself this is watching too much sob shows. I'm sure every single person in the world once in a while feels lonely. I'm sure even the married feel lonely. I'm sure even God in his greatness feels lonely once in awhile. But knowing these things didn't comfort me. At the moment I am sad that I am single. But I don't wish to be married. I've learned to be careful already what I wish for. So being safe, I fled to the bathroom to shower my loneliness and cleanse my mind. I just want this feeling to pass. I started feeling better already as I toweled my hair and realized that I am blessed being single...<br />
<br />
And, ohmygod, I just made everyone know how desperate I can be.One Art by Elizabeth Bishoptag:knolstuff.com,2008-03-11:1781665:BlogPost:430592008-03-11T03:00:00.000ZDarlahttps://knolstuff.com/profile/Darla
The art of losing isn't hard to master;<br />
so many things seem filled with the intent<br />
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.<br />
<br />
Lose something every day. Accept the fluster<br />
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.<br />
The art of losing isn't hard to master.<br />
<br />
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:<br />
places, and names, and where it was you meant<br />
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.<br />
<br />
I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or<br />
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.<br />
The art of losing…
The art of losing isn't hard to master;<br />
so many things seem filled with the intent<br />
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.<br />
<br />
Lose something every day. Accept the fluster<br />
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.<br />
The art of losing isn't hard to master.<br />
<br />
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:<br />
places, and names, and where it was you meant<br />
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.<br />
<br />
I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or<br />
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.<br />
The art of losing isn't hard to master.<br />
<br />
I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,<br />
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.<br />
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.<br />
<br />
--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture<br />
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident<br />
the art of losing's not too hard to master<br />
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.ist vs. tisttag:knolstuff.com,2008-03-10:1781665:BlogPost:429072008-03-10T07:30:00.000ZDarlahttps://knolstuff.com/profile/Darla
Two people came up to me today and each of them made a statement that made me do a double take.<br />
<br />
Mr. Sizzle said that me being in his life is a good and bad thing. Good because I get him grounded and help him grow in his pursuit to have gazillions of <i>relationships</i> (i.e. he wants to be pro player in the women's realm). And I am bad news also because he doesn't give much effort starting these <i>relationships</i> because he has me as a fall back. Another bad thing he mentioned is he might…
Two people came up to me today and each of them made a statement that made me do a double take.<br />
<br />
Mr. Sizzle said that me being in his life is a good and bad thing. Good because I get him grounded and help him grow in his pursuit to have gazillions of <i>relationships</i> (i.e. he wants to be pro player in the women's realm). And I am bad news also because he doesn't give much effort starting these <i>relationships</i> because he has me as a fall back. Another bad thing he mentioned is he might feel pretty jealous if he found out that I am seeing other people. Mr. Sizzle has pangs of guilt because he wants to be with me so much but he also wants to have his own zenana. This statement was my first double take.<br />
<br />
Kid approached me timidly saying this week is their last week. For those who are not aware (which I bet are few) Kid is talking about his account which will pull out this week. What I felt when he said this was my second double take.<br />
<br />
Maybe, my brother is right. I was born without guilt. I am phlegmatic to guilt. I have been slapped, whacked, punched, coerced, threatened, lashed, twice almost murdered because I don't feel guilt. People tagging me as cold, bitch, indifferent, callous, arrogant hasn't changed what I am. I don't even try to feel remorseful. When I do what society deems is morally wrong they expect an apology. But people who know me well, has learned not to hear of it until I have realized this on my own. And when I realized it is wrong, I still don't feel guilt. I simply walk to those I have offended and apologize. If I know I'll do it again and again then you won't hear any apology. But when I apologize, that is the end of it. If one takes or rejects my apology I do not ride any guilt horse and live my life in constant remorse.<br />
<br />
So I did a double take. The egoist in me was suddenly harassed by the egotist in me. Mr. Sizzle feels guilt I don't. Kid feels sad, I should've felt guilt because of our old account is (soon to be) terminated, I don't. Good thing both of them didn't ask what I felt, because I sure don't feel sorry to any of them.worldly and corrupttag:knolstuff.com,2008-03-10:1781665:BlogPost:428982008-03-10T06:30:00.000ZDarlahttps://knolstuff.com/profile/Darla
I think I got the Colonel frustrated. He thinks I have too many of everything that corrupts one's soul. I don't blame him, I tend to be a freak when it comes to shoes, books, and toys in no particular order.<br />
<br />
The first thing that caught his eye on our flight back to Manila from Boracay is not that I was sniffling but my brown pair of boots. I admit, my boots are an eye catcher, anywhere and everywhere people notice me because of the boots. A cute guy who rode an elevator with me even said he…
I think I got the Colonel frustrated. He thinks I have too many of everything that corrupts one's soul. I don't blame him, I tend to be a freak when it comes to shoes, books, and toys in no particular order.<br />
<br />
The first thing that caught his eye on our flight back to Manila from Boracay is not that I was sniffling but my brown pair of boots. I admit, my boots are an eye catcher, anywhere and everywhere people notice me because of the boots. A cute guy who rode an elevator with me even said he liked it which makes me wonder if he's gay (not that I mind) or my shoes are that cool. Sam said it makes me look like an ass kicker. I think my dad got the wrong kind of kick and my shoes was a red flag.<br />
<br />
The second thing he noticed was when I borrowed his MacBook. He raised his eyebrow not because he didn't want to lend it but because I have my own MacBook. I told him I got my iDVD corrupted and I want to toast the application from his computer. He asked why my iDVD got corrupted and I shrugged my shoulder, I don't know. He didn't buy this answer. Well, what can I say?!? I am clueless how it got broken but I know how to fix it if I don't have the installer disc. He did said much just kept on watching me as I toast his iDVD and trashed my iDVD and reinstalled the application.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://happybeingd.blogs.friendster.com/.shared/image.html?/photos/uncategorized/imagemagicphp.jpeg"><img alt="Better than Boys and Eff" title="Better than Boys and Eff" src="http://happybeingd.blogs.friendster.com/happy_being_d/images/imagemagicphp.jpeg" width="100" height="100" border="0" style="float: left; margin: 0px 5px 5px 0px;"/></a>The last straw, I guess, was when I got my hands on my new Nintendo DS. A gift from <a href="http://knolstuff.com/profiles/blog/show?id=1781665%3ABlogPost%3A43222">The Power Couple</a> and Kitty Cat. It was torture not to play it the moment my fingers touched its brand new case. I couldn't play it for 3 days because the charger in it's box is 110v. So I had to wait until I was able to buy a charger and when I finally got myself a 220v my brand new Nintendo DS didn't even stay on my hands for a good 10 minutes when my brother whisked it and played, and played, and played, and played some more... *sob*<br />
<br />
As they drove me to the airport today, my dad told me to save my money, God is coming soon and I need to invest on my future than my worldly ways. I felt penitent and I told him I will save my money. He said that's good. I made a silent vow never to mismanage my money again and stop buying shoes, books, and toys. As I sat waiting for boarding time, I pulled out my Nintendo and sigh with relief... toys are such bliss. Mario Party here I come. Maybe I should go to the mall and see how much is Mario Bros. game or the Mario Kart. But a thought struck me...<br />
<br />
I'm not sure if he's seen my other tattoo. I guess not, otherwise, I'd be six feet under already.living in a cartag:knolstuff.com,2008-03-07:1781665:BlogPost:428972008-03-07T03:00:00.000ZDarlahttps://knolstuff.com/profile/Darla
I have been spending half of my days in airports and cars the past 2 days. We've been traveling out of Boracay, to the Farm, to Manila, to Jebsen, to Hotels, to Malls, to Legaspi and to more Hotels.<br />
<br />
How exciting. Really. If not for the new toy my parents and sister gave me I'd probably go crazy for all the wasted time. Hopefully by Monday I'll be back in Cebu and resume my job hunting.
I have been spending half of my days in airports and cars the past 2 days. We've been traveling out of Boracay, to the Farm, to Manila, to Jebsen, to Hotels, to Malls, to Legaspi and to more Hotels.<br />
<br />
How exciting. Really. If not for the new toy my parents and sister gave me I'd probably go crazy for all the wasted time. Hopefully by Monday I'll be back in Cebu and resume my job hunting.the broken cantilevertag:knolstuff.com,2008-03-03:1781665:BlogPost:428962008-03-03T08:30:00.000ZDarlahttps://knolstuff.com/profile/Darla
I can see the anguish in his eyes. Something I want to save him from feeling. In his eyes I saw a man defeated, my the reality of things he thinks are irrefutable. How can one think that such is the end of all things, I wonder. Yet I wonder most, why there is a high price of importance given to it that it consumes a man's spirit, a man's hope and reduce such to feel himself a complete failure.<br />
<br />
Of whose standards does such matter? Why is it important to him that people's affirmation must be…
I can see the anguish in his eyes. Something I want to save him from feeling. In his eyes I saw a man defeated, my the reality of things he thinks are irrefutable. How can one think that such is the end of all things, I wonder. Yet I wonder most, why there is a high price of importance given to it that it consumes a man's spirit, a man's hope and reduce such to feel himself a complete failure.<br />
<br />
Of whose standards does such matter? Why is it important to him that people's affirmation must be given to him --- whether it be friends or his family? I never found the need to be loved, accepted, needed, or wanted. That for me is a subterfuge. It sets a destructive corrosive upon one's self-esteem. Why is it so important to be appreciated or accepted by society or by family even if the same people do not live our lives?<br />
<br />
I cannot comprehend this. And I do not wish to save him from the anguish he feels. I have tried to explain to him that the only thing important is his definition of his happiness but he replied that I do not understand, they're his parents and he feels he failed. I asked who did he fail and his eyes bore all shame and said his parents. Why would that matter? He replied with a defeated voice that because they have this standard. I still cannot wrap my mind around it and replied so why would that matter? Because that is what they want, and suddenly a feeling of surrender enveloped me and I thought no matter what I do he would never understand it until he is ready. I replied quietly, why would what they want matter? And he looked at me with his sad eyes and said that he was heading to bed.<br />
<br />
I responded by looking down at my spoon and the words of the child that spoke to Neo flashed in my mind, "There is no spoon."the tug of wartag:knolstuff.com,2008-03-02:1781665:BlogPost:428912008-03-02T17:30:00.000ZDarlahttps://knolstuff.com/profile/Darla
As I write this post, a mixture of pineapple and orange juice slither down my throat. Ah, sugar. I need my sugar. I can feel my old self returning. I was thinking of the events that just happened why my sugar level plummeted. The weather is hot. Unbearably hot.<br />
<br />
Don't get me wrong. I love the sun and the beach and the fact that I get a great tan after. The fact that I go to Boracay almost thrice a year proves that I love the sunny weather and the unlimited sun bathing opportunities I get. But…
As I write this post, a mixture of pineapple and orange juice slither down my throat. Ah, sugar. I need my sugar. I can feel my old self returning. I was thinking of the events that just happened why my sugar level plummeted. The weather is hot. Unbearably hot.<br />
<br />
Don't get me wrong. I love the sun and the beach and the fact that I get a great tan after. The fact that I go to Boracay almost thrice a year proves that I love the sunny weather and the unlimited sun bathing opportunities I get. But if I do not see an ocean, or lake, or even simple man made body of water, I find the sun intolerable. It's heat that pains my skin, makes everything humid and sticky and gross causes me to hide in my room with the comforts of the AC. I've been like this since I was my baby, my mother said. Sol and I have a love-hate relationship.<br />
<br />
Love and hate. I seem to have so much of that these days - and the airport police was no exception. Upon undergoing x-ray of my baggages, they placed my stuff on top of the table. Here it comes, I thought. They asked what's in it, and I answered pinukurat (spicy vinegar). How many are there was the next question, I answered five. We have to open it, they said. I paused to think if that was a question or a statement and how am I going to get out of that situation because once they open it, I am positive that it would not be allowed. So I asked a universally sticky question, why. The woman behind the counter looked at me irritably and said because it's part of the policy. And I asked why again. Because it is a corrosive, she replied. I argued that I was able to bring the same stuff last January. She said that they have rolled out the policy that such stuff should be placed on styrofoam containers. We had this exchange back and forth until I pulled out my phone. I still have the ace diamond, and this one will never fail. I started dialing and talked to someone while I stared intently at the woman.<br />
<br />
I don't want her to get in trouble, I just want alternative solutions. So let me talk to the ace of this place. Having spoken to my uncle who is the head of the MIAA they had to unpack the vinegar and repack it on their own which would be acceptable to their standards. I felt a slight sense of shame for making them look like idiots. Suddenly I don't hate them. I just wish they had more brains.nightmares and <i>daymares</i>tag:knolstuff.com,2008-03-01:1781665:BlogPost:423632008-03-01T19:00:00.000ZDarlahttps://knolstuff.com/profile/Darla
I am cranky today. Too much margaritas, karaoke, girls night out with gay friends has resulted to lack of sleep. And that small amount of sleep is worthless because I have been having nightmares the past few dawns which makes me wake up all of a sudden. This dreams are gory and twisted (and in colors too!) where one dream was even my MacBook splitting in half and the rest are death, are prolly the result of too much margaritas.<br />
<br />
How I wished it stopped there. When we wake up from a nightmare it…
I am cranky today. Too much margaritas, karaoke, girls night out with gay friends has resulted to lack of sleep. And that small amount of sleep is worthless because I have been having nightmares the past few dawns which makes me wake up all of a sudden. This dreams are gory and twisted (and in colors too!) where one dream was even my MacBook splitting in half and the rest are death, are prolly the result of too much margaritas.<br />
<br />
How I wished it stopped there. When we wake up from a nightmare it should be done. I say <i>should be</i> because when I'm finally awake another set of nightmares or <i>daymares</i> occur. This time it involves flesh and blood and brains and a plethora of doctors and lawyers and family and feuds.<br />
<br />
I miss sleeping. I want to sleep without dreams this time. Just deep sleep that whatever I would dream about would not be remembered. And I miss days without nightmares happening in the flesh.started sober. ended wherever.tag:knolstuff.com,2008-02-29:1781665:BlogPost:422622008-02-29T14:30:00.000ZDarlahttps://knolstuff.com/profile/Darla
Ay yay yay! I woke up thirsty after 3 hours of sleep. It was only 8 AM and I still want to sleep some more but everytime I drink too much I wake up early. Thank God I've never gotten a hangover *knock on wood*<br />
<br />
Red horse was the drink for the night. Yes I did get a margarita on a tall glass and would have preferred that than beer but Mr. K800 is a RH drinker so why not. It was a long night of work talk, former work talk, family, business, and inevitably it came to flirting. Although he's a guy,…
Ay yay yay! I woke up thirsty after 3 hours of sleep. It was only 8 AM and I still want to sleep some more but everytime I drink too much I wake up early. Thank God I've never gotten a hangover *knock on wood*<br />
<br />
Red horse was the drink for the night. Yes I did get a margarita on a tall glass and would have preferred that than beer but Mr. K800 is a RH drinker so why not. It was a long night of work talk, former work talk, family, business, and inevitably it came to flirting. Although he's a guy, he's a friend. But flirting is good for my ego so why not.<br />
<br />
I think we finished off at two-ish and he was asking if he can go home with me. I smiled and said no. I was about to cross the road and abruptly stopped when he asked "Why not?" I looked at him and said, "because..." but I couldn't bring myself to say the obvious that he has a girlfriend, he is a friend, bringing him over will start something I'll regret in the morning. He was waiting for an answer so I tried again, "Because I want to be alone." I exhaled a sigh of relief and thought case over.<br />
<br />
Then he did the unthinkable by saying "Please". I had to stop myself from laughing. This is getting too easy and too unchallenging. Not fun. Not fun at all. I just smiled and opened the passenger door and as I was sliding down the seat he said "See you on Saturday."<br />
<br />
As I got ready to bed I thought, why aren't the men that I want be as easy as that? I guess, if they were easy, they wouldn't be challenging and worth it. Not fun. Not fun at all.on the loosetag:knolstuff.com,2008-02-28:1781665:BlogPost:422212008-02-28T10:30:00.000ZDarlahttps://knolstuff.com/profile/Darla
I woke up today at 4 in the morning hearing. I think I heard my phone beep. I wondered who would be sending me a message at this time. One of the reasons I love being jobless is I don't get calls and messages when I am sleeping. So who is this?!<br />
<br />
I picked up my phone and looked at the screen. It's the <a href="http://knolstuff.com/profiles/blog/show?id=1781665%3ABlogPost%3A43223">3rd Mate</a> . Now me and 3rd Mate hadn't been really close. I tend to gravitate more towards my sisters than him.…
I woke up today at 4 in the morning hearing. I think I heard my phone beep. I wondered who would be sending me a message at this time. One of the reasons I love being jobless is I don't get calls and messages when I am sleeping. So who is this?!<br />
<br />
I picked up my phone and looked at the screen. It's the <a href="http://knolstuff.com/profiles/blog/show?id=1781665%3ABlogPost%3A43223">3rd Mate</a> . Now me and 3rd Mate hadn't been really close. I tend to gravitate more towards my sisters than him. It's not that I don't like him. I do. I love him to bits and pieces but 3rd Mate... well, he's more like me. He gets into this moods which most people don't understand but I do and I know that I have to respect that space. So I become standoffish around him but he knows that I care about him alot. He knows that if he feels like eating anything I'd cook it for him and bake some too. So that's how we are. If he wants to talk to me, he would ask me to cook something for him and he would talk and I'll just listen.<br />
<br />
So going back to this message. We don't send SMS to each other, I mean I used not to initiate sending him messages but the past weeks since he has been back to the country he has been sending me messages asking me how I am and stuff like that. I could sense that he's in trouble but I don't prod, if he wants to say something sooner or later he would. Now in this message, he's asking me to spend time with him in Manila and spend a few weeks there. This is so not 3rd Mate, so I find this message strange. It's like he's looking up to me to protect him from someone or something.<br />
<br />
I called my sister and asked what has been happening. My sister said his ex is stalking him. The girl even went to another city where he was teaching a few days back to look for him. The girl went to each hotel and inquired if he was checked in there and didn't stop until she found him. She has been following him persistently refusing the break-up. Ahhh. I get it now. Like Old Faithful the sense of trying to protect my brother from this woman surges inside me.<br />
<br />
I gotta pack and travel again.nosebleedingtag:knolstuff.com,2008-02-27:1781665:BlogPost:421872008-02-27T22:00:00.000ZDarlahttps://knolstuff.com/profile/Darla
Back in Cebu, I took a couple of tests today for a job I'm applying for (yes, I have finally decided to go back to work). <a href="http://happybeingd.blogs.friendster.com/.shared/image.html?/photos/uncategorized/sykeswork.gif"><img alt="Sykeswork" border="0" height="100" src="http://happybeingd.blogs.friendster.com/happy_being_d/images/sykeswork.gif" style="float: right; margin: 0px 0px 5px 5px;" title="Sykeswork" width="100"></img></a><br />
<br />
The first 3 tests were fairly easy but then again those tests are designed for beginners in the industry I have 4 years of experience. So it is expected of me to pass. Shame on me if I didn't.<br />
<br />
The test facilitator asked me to take the 4th test which was…
Back in Cebu, I took a couple of tests today for a job I'm applying for (yes, I have finally decided to go back to work). <a href="http://happybeingd.blogs.friendster.com/.shared/image.html?/photos/uncategorized/sykeswork.gif"><img alt="Sykeswork" title="Sykeswork" src="http://happybeingd.blogs.friendster.com/happy_being_d/images/sykeswork.gif" width="100" height="100" border="0" style="float: right; margin: 0px 0px 5px 5px;"/></a><br />
<br />
The first 3 tests were fairly easy but then again those tests are designed for beginners in the industry I have 4 years of experience. So it is expected of me to pass. Shame on me if I didn't.<br />
<br />
The test facilitator asked me to take the 4th test which was Advance Technical Experience. I thought, hmmm, this shouldn't hurt after all I have technical experience. I have handled technical accounts for 3 years so I was pretty confident this test will be fast too.<br />
<br />
It was a 75-item-choose-the-best-answer kind of test. First question: "_______ is an example of an Internet connection."<br />
A.) Mozilla<br />
B.) Modem<br />
C.) DSL<br />
D.) none of the above<br />
<br />
I chose D for the first question and moved on to the next 2 questions. I had to click "Next" to go to the next set of questions. Question number 4 was theoretical about what possible reason could cause a printer not to be recognized by Windows Vista. I raised my left eyebrow and exhaled slowly. It suddenly dawned to me that I will fail that test. No argument. It's that reality of that situation and as I tried hard to make a "wise" choice out of A, B, C, and D the devil in me was bitching why in the first place is this person using a Vista?!? I wouldn't have to suffer trying to make a WAG if this moron just used a Mac. As I keep on trying to answer (yeah, I won't quit) the remaining questions where it involves problems with XP and Vista the more I felt peeved.<br />
<br />
Okay, maybe I am snotty for using a Mac. So sorry, so sad but the truth is the steps involved to troubleshoot a windows machine and even doing basic steps is so complicated when there is a simple process. I simply cannot grasp how people can embrace the complexity of that OS when life is already difficult. Computers are suppose to work for man but my personal experience with Windows is it wrapped me around it's grubby fingers.<br />
<br />
I've switched long ago to Mac but it seems to get a job means being mired again by Windows. I think I should just start my own business...checking intag:knolstuff.com,2008-01-28:1781665:BlogPost:432232008-01-28T16:30:00.000ZDarlahttps://knolstuff.com/profile/Darla
No, I haven't dropped off the face of the earth. <i>Au contraire</i> I have been suspended in air and I'm accumulating Mabuhay Miles living on plane food and passing time listening to my Lauryn Hill doo wop me off my boredom. I couldn't get online for a couple of weeks because I have been traveling and spending time with my father, the Colonel.<br />
<br />
This Miles thingie is getting to be an addiction. Everytime the Colonel would tell me we're flying somewhere the first thing that pops in my head is if…
No, I haven't dropped off the face of the earth. <i>Au contraire</i> I have been suspended in air and I'm accumulating Mabuhay Miles living on plane food and passing time listening to my Lauryn Hill doo wop me off my boredom. I couldn't get online for a couple of weeks because I have been traveling and spending time with my father, the Colonel.<br />
<br />
This Miles thingie is getting to be an addiction. Everytime the Colonel would tell me we're flying somewhere the first thing that pops in my head is if I get Miles. So when he said that we're going to Legaspi my mind went overdrive and a single word floats: MILES. I took a hold of myself and ask too casually what airline we're flying he replied Philippine Airlines my face breaks into a smile like a Cheshire cat.<br />
<br />
But as soon as we land at Legaspi City I started fretting. I brought the wrong clothes. Too many shorts, too many spaghetti straps, too many halter sundresses when it rains there all the time. My luggage is still full of my Boracay clothes. No shorts, no spaghetti straps, no halter sundresses allowed when the Colonel is around and MOST ESPECIALLY if the the Colonel is surrounded by his bodyguards. Despite being labelled a rebel I try to conform too especially if the Colonel is around. I survived that trip wearing jeans and a lousy shirt every time I go out of my room and occasionally use my trusted thai pants.<br />
<br />
I never used to worry about stuff like these before. Then again I was still working in Purgatory Land slaving for two falllen angels for bosses so I had no need to worry if my clothes will pass the Colonel's taste.<br />
<br />
So now I am off again. Gotta run to the airport again this time to pick up my older sister -Tanduay Babe, and my brother - 3rd Mate. Whoooohooooo! Family reunion!!! I am soooo excited. This might be something for the family annals again. I'm planning to just watch and place bets this time but I think I should prepare my Everlast just in case.going bananastag:knolstuff.com,2008-01-11:1781665:BlogPost:432222008-01-11T22:00:00.000ZDarlahttps://knolstuff.com/profile/Darla
I have been babysitting my niece. She is totally something for an nine year old - rambunctious. For people who have to deal with nine year olds they wouldn't find this surprising at all. But I am single and though I have two younger siblings that I had to care for once in awhile when my parents were away they had a similar upbringing as mine and a similar parent who ruled us with an iron hand.<br />
<br />
I have a father, the Colonel, who hailed from the hallowed grounds of Loakan where the Philippine…
I have been babysitting my niece. She is totally something for an nine year old - rambunctious. For people who have to deal with nine year olds they wouldn't find this surprising at all. But I am single and though I have two younger siblings that I had to care for once in awhile when my parents were away they had a similar upbringing as mine and a similar parent who ruled us with an iron hand.<br />
<br />
I have a father, the Colonel, who hailed from the hallowed grounds of Loakan where the Philippine Military Academy stands proud with all its glory and cadets cower and are cowered upon depending on what year you are. As his children we grew up cowering. I don't even want to start with my mother - the General...I'd freeze my gut just trying. Together they became the Power Couple. So growing up we cannot live, breathe, move, and think without our parents approval. It was tough but it kept us all lined up straight as a rod...for a couple of years.<br />
<br />
My niece, Baby B, makes me feel emotions that I have never felt for other people especially grown ups. We have almost a 20 year gap but she and I argue like siblings… nothing deliberate just that after growing up (almost) following my parents stringently and gotten used to being followed all the time by subordinates I find her indifference when asked to do her homework slowly taxing my patience like a wave crashing on a land over and over until erosion occurs. And taking on her face when I asked her to help in chores I challenge her patience too. She is can be so obdurate.<br />
<br />
I had to leave her while she was sleeping one early morning and bring my youngest sister, Kitty Cat, to the airport. I came back with her eyes puffed and in a pensive mood. My brother-in-law said she was crying when she realized I was gone and did not say goodbye. she had to be comforted that I will be back soon. My heart did a wee bit of a somersault and my face softened as she walked over to me and gave me a hug asking if we can go swimming that afternoon. She got me under her thumb this time.<br />
<br />
I have forgotten how to be a child as I stripped off my memory of my childhood and painted a white canvas instead. It is a past I only recall selective memories and the rest of it I stuffed in a black box and pushed in the back of my mind which I try not to reach. But feeling her hug and her unselfishness to give me kisses I realized that a child's primary job is to play. And she could she mean at times but I know that she does not mean to hurt and by reason (and prayers) eventually she will grow up a healthy person responsible but have the zest for life.<br />
<br />
I just walked back to my portable after shouting above the music for her to lower the volume of the iPod as there are customers eating in <b><a href="http://profiles.friendster.com/smokeresto">Smoke</a></b>. She gave me face before she complied and I grinned asking what she wants for dinner. She beams and smiles up at me as she headed down stairs, halfway down she shouts, "Cheese Omelette, tita!"code bluetag:knolstuff.com,2008-01-02:1781665:BlogPost:432212008-01-02T02:00:00.000ZDarlahttps://knolstuff.com/profile/Darla
They say that the beginning of the year will pave the way on how the rest of your year would turn out. I thought "yeah right!" but a part of me is wondering if that is true because if it is then I am up to a troubled year...<br />
<br />
After being booted from a company where I worked 3 years 10 months and 28 days I find myself a jobless dependent on my parent's financial support. I have been living a <i>normal</i> life — being able to sleep at nights and celebrate Christmas with my dad and sister while…
They say that the beginning of the year will pave the way on how the rest of your year would turn out. I thought "yeah right!" but a part of me is wondering if that is true because if it is then I am up to a troubled year...<br />
<br />
After being booted from a company where I worked 3 years 10 months and 28 days I find myself a jobless dependent on my parent's financial support. I have been living a <i>normal</i> life — being able to sleep at nights and celebrate Christmas with my dad and sister while enjoying New Year at Boracay, reading books without the worry that I have work later. But this is not something I fantasized doing at the age of 28. I need to work. I need to work! I NEED TO WORK.<br />
<br />
My father is not too happy with me going back to work. He is afraid I will be stuck being a call girl and he doesn't think it is a real job. He dreamt of me as an architect or a cardiothoracic surgeon or a top notch executive. Working in a call center even if I was a manager is not a real job for grown ups. So I am stuck. How can I bite the hand that feeds me. I console myself with the thought that I am still doing what he likes anyway which is starting my papers to go to Canada. I could probably still apply. After I get over my phobia with my two fallen angel bosses who expected me to pull bunnies out of hats.<br />
<br />
In the mean time, I’ll be staying here (Boracay) in an extended period because my sister and her husband is going to Bacolod. I’m gonna babysit my niece. *evil laugh*<br />
<br />
But I will do whatever I could to make this year better. I need to work.2206tag:knolstuff.com,2007-12-28:1781665:BlogPost:432202007-12-28T22:30:00.000ZDarlahttps://knolstuff.com/profile/Darla
<a href="http://happybeingd.blogs.friendster.com/.shared/image.html?/photos/uncategorized/dsc01649_1.JPG"><img alt="Dsc01649_1" border="0" height="100" src="http://happybeingd.blogs.friendster.com/happy_being_d/images/dsc01649_1.JPG" style="float: center; margin: 5px 5px 5px 5px;" title="back of the Farm" width="400"></img></a> <br></br>
<br />
It has been almost three years since I last visited. I thought things would be different. I thought things would look more... commercialized. But as the Crosswind entered the town a part of me was at awe to see that the place is still sleepy. Time seemed to pause in this place. There are no malls, no flashy party places, not even a simple watering hole. Normally people…
<a href="http://happybeingd.blogs.friendster.com/.shared/image.html?/photos/uncategorized/dsc01649_1.JPG"><img alt="Dsc01649_1" title="back of the Farm" src="http://happybeingd.blogs.friendster.com/happy_being_d/images/dsc01649_1.JPG" width="400" height="100" border="0" style="float: center; margin: 5px 5px 5px 5px;"/></a><br/>
<br />
It has been almost three years since I last visited. I thought things would be different. I thought things would look more... commercialized. But as the Crosswind entered the town a part of me was at awe to see that the place is still sleepy. Time seemed to pause in this place. There are no malls, no flashy party places, not even a simple watering hole. Normally people would get bored in this place... but having lived in this place for 5 years I know that there is more than meets the eye in this town. As we continued to drive inside the town we passed by the market and bought fish for lunch then drove to our farm in Pundakit. After lunch we planned to hit the best place in this place... Pundakit beach I wish I can show pictures but I wasn't able to make it to the beach because I fell asleep (hahahaaa!!!) but I went online to search for nice pictures and here are some links to check:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://k53.pbase.com/o6/04/415004/1/73252150.vbmVDbUU.IMGP7690copy2.jpg">some Pundakit Pics</a><br />
<a href="http://www.waypoints.ph/detail_gen.html?wpt=capons">and some more</a><br />
<br />
This town is also home of Casa San Miguel which is one of the coolest place to listen to music...but then that's a different story altogether.2nd genesistag:knolstuff.com,2007-12-20:1781665:BlogPost:432192007-12-20T08:00:00.000ZDarlahttps://knolstuff.com/profile/Darla
After almost 3 years of hiatus in the blogging community I found myself the past few months being drawn to writing online again. A part of me is still reluctant to expose myself again like a broken piñata after an ex-boyfriend who I thought would be <b>THE ONE</b> cheated on me with my best friend (not anymore). That old blog (and alot of readers) was a silent witness of the beginning of our office romance all the way until it crashed and burned. That blog was used against me by this X and my X…
After almost 3 years of hiatus in the blogging community I found myself the past few months being drawn to writing online again. A part of me is still reluctant to expose myself again like a broken piñata after an ex-boyfriend who I thought would be <b>THE ONE</b> cheated on me with my best friend (not anymore). That old blog (and alot of readers) was a silent witness of the beginning of our office romance all the way until it crashed and burned. That blog was used against me by this X and my X best friend. So I deleted my faithful blog and engrossed myself in working really really hard until I got promotion after promotion and the two Xs have broken up ten times worse than my experience, and there was no one else to hide behind work anymore.<br />
<br />
But after three years of working hard I became jobless and I'm no longer tied in a NDA. So now that I am writing again. Not because of retaliation or of anger but after three years of hiding behind The Corporation, I am free to enjoy my life and write about it in my own pleasure. No X, no NDAs, and no fears will stop me now.<br />
<br />
My name is Darla... the closest of my friends call me D. I won't try to impress you lest I turn out to be a quasi-literati. If you're curious about something you think I know of then go ahead and ask. But really, I am writing for the fun of it.