INTRODUCTIONS AND SALUTATIONS

IF PERCHANCE YOU CHOOSE TO READ MY BLOG BE WARNED IM A VERY BLUNT PERSON, A VERY BUSY PERSON(MEANING I'LL BE SLOW TO ADD TO OR RESPOND TO), AND A VERY FLAKY KINDA MIND GOING ALL OVER THE PLACE KINDA SOMEWHAT INTERESTED IN A LOT OF THINGS BUT GENERALLY NOT SO INTERESTED TO ACTUALLY BE DEEPLY KNOWLEDGEABLE ABOUT ANY ONE THING KINDA PERSON.

BUT SINCE THIS IS AN INTRODUCTION I THINK I'LL RELATE A FUNNY STORY ABOUT MYSELF. SEVERAL YEARS AGO THIS BOY WONDER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE COOL TO BUY A MOTORCYLE. SO I BOUGHT A VERY NICE CUSTOMIZED 1999 KAWASAKI VULCAN 1500. I THEN THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN TO GO TO A FRIENDS BIRTHDAY PARTY/TOGA PARTY AT A LOCAL WATERING HOLE. SO OF COURSE I ALSO THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GREAT IDEA TO RIDE MY NEW BIKE FROM MY HOME TO THE LOCAL WATERING HOLE WEARING MY TOGA, TRUE ROMAN STYLE IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. BEING SOMEWHAT KINDA SMART I OPTED TO DRINK A VERY FEW ADULT BEVERAGES AND WAIT A VERY LONG TIME TO RIDE HOME. I CHOSE TO TAKE A LONGER CITY RAOD ROUTE SO AS TO AVOID THE TEMPTATION TO DRIVE FAST. NEARING MY HOME I CAME TO AN INTERSECTION WHERE THE LIGHT HAD JUST TURNED YELLOW. THE CAR/MORON AHEAD OF ME WAS HALFWAY THROUGH THE INTERSECTION YET THE BRAINIAC DECIDED IT WAS A GRAND IDEA TO LOCK HIS BRAKES UP RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. I LOOKED LEFT, OOPS, A CAR. I LOOKED RIGHT, HMM, CURB. I CHOSE THE CURB. UNFORNTUNATELY FOR ME THE MATH DIDN'T WORK TO WELL. WHAT MATH, 1500CC HEAVY CRUISER + NEW RIDER + ALCOHOL = TADA, ME HURT. I LAYED MY BIKE AND MYSELF DOWN ON THE LEFT SIDE AND WAS KNOCKED UNCONCIOUS. WHEN I CAME TO I SAW TWO KIND GENTLEMEN HAD COME TO MY AID. ONE WAS ON A CELL PHONE TALKING TO 911, THE LAST THING I WANTED AFTER WRECKING WEARING A TOGA( WHICH DID MANAGE TO STAY AROUND MY WAIST, THANKYOU). THE OTHER I CAN ONLY DESCRIBE AS TALKING LIKE SPICOLI FROM "FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH". " DUDE, YOUR HURT BRA, DONT WORRY WE'RE CALLIN THE PIGS FOR YOU. DUDE, YOU F@#$% UP BAD". I SHOULD ADD THIS WAS BEFORE LOUISIANA REINTRODUCED ITS HELMET LAW, NO I WASNT WEARING ONE, HENCE THE ONLY KINDA SORTA SMART DESCRIPTION OF MYSELF. REALIZING THROUGH MY HALF UNCONCIOUS HAZE THAT WEARING A TOGA AND WRECKING MY BIKE WOULD BE KIND OF HARD TO EXPLAIN I CHOSE TO GO HOME. I PICK UP MY BIKE AND PROMPTLY DROPPED IT ON THE RIGHT SIDE. I THEN PICKED IT UP AGAIN AND DROVE HOME.

A SUMMARY OF MY INJURIES IS AS FOLLOWS. ROAD RASH EVERYWHERE, EXCEPT THERE, SOMEHOW THE TOGA MANAGED TO SAVE THE HAPPY PARTS. RIGHT EYE HAD REDS NOT WHITES FOR A WEEK OR TWO. I BLEW A BLOOD VESSEL IN MY RIGHT EAR SO IT SOUNDED LIKE I HAD WATER IN IT FOR A LONG WHILE. I BROKE MY NOSE. MY RIGHT LEG HAD LAID ON THE ENGINE AND PIPES SO I HAD 2 2ND DEGREE AND 1 3RD DEGREE BURNS ON MY LEG. AND I DID SOMETHING TO MY LEFT KNEE THAT MADE IT HURT FOR A MONTH. I NEVER LET MY DOCTOR CHECK THAT. TO MANLY/STUPID FOR THAT.

SO WHAT WOULD BE THE MORAL OF THIS STUPID MOTORCYCLE STUNT OF MINE. DONT RIDE MOTORCYCLES? NOPE, THEY'RE A GAS TO RIDE. DONT DRIVE A BIKE WITH MORONS AHEAD OF YOU? THATS UNFORTUNATELY IMPOSSIBLE SO NOPE. WEAR A HELMET WHEN RIDING? THAT WOULD BE A BIG YEP, A WEEK LONG HEADACHE DOES A GOOD JOB OF TEACHING YOU THAT LITTLE LESSON. BUT NONE OF THOSE ARE THE BIG MORAL OF THE STORY. WHAT WOULD BE THE BIG MORAL OF THE STORY YOU ASK? WHY, DONT RIDE A MOTORCYCLE WHILE WEARING A TOGA OF COURSE. ROAD RASH EVERYWHERE(EXCEPT THERE, SOMEHOW) REALLY HURTS!