Susan's Page

by Susan

In 2003 I was going through a difficult time and wrote a poem about how stress grabs us when we least expect it.  Stress has been a big part of my depression and anxiety disease.  It's something I frequently feel even though I'm past the worst of it.   Maybe some of you can relate to my poem if you also have mental health issues that you are dealing with on a daily basis. 


Stress

Stress can hit you in the middle of the day
It can wake you when you're dreaming and take your breath away

It can grab you somewhere like the grocery store
It can sneak right up behind you and make you feel unsure.

Stress can wring from you every ounce of mental strength
It can squeeze your very will away,  It goes to any length

Stress can twist your thoughts into an awful mess
It ropes you in against your will and steals your very best

It hits you, grabs you, wrings and twists you till you can't go on
It leaves you when you least expect it, then you're glad it's gone.

by David

At first, the phrase "being too good" sounds cruel to me because being too good to others is so very special.  People who are good to others sometimes can't control how good they are.  It's very disappointing but half the world gives and half the world takes.  If you only give all of the time and haven't learned to expect something in return by accepting goodness from others, you will be taken advantage of by most people.  It is a rare person who sees the special light that shines in you and doesn't take the mile when you give so much already.

Being too good, or not looking out for yourself can lead to manipulation as well as mental or physical abuse by others.  Look out for yourself in your relationships and don't allow these negative things to happen to you.  We all need to show love but all of us also need to receive love in return.

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I didn't get the memo when it was discovered that depression isn't caused by a chemical imbalance.  The current theory is that depression is caused by a problem in the brain neuronal network.  This is going to be even more difficult for some of us to understand and accept. 

I read an article by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. called "Another Brain Fad For Depression?"and I wonder how long this new theory will hold up.  Supposedly, according to scientists, anti-depressants have little to do with the amount of serotonin in the brain.  The drugs work because they help heal our neurons, which have been shrinking and dying. 

I really don't like the sound of this new theory because it sounds just a wee bit like what happens to the brain when you develop Alzheimer's.   As some of you know, both of my parents had Alzheimer's.  Both of them also had depression.  I'm getting more depressed just thinking about this!

I certainly hope John M. Grohol, Psy.D was right when he said, "Neuroscience will one day provide us the “keys to the kingdom” of understanding our brains."  I hope it happens soon!



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Recently, Jessica Bennett, a reporter from Newsweek, contacted me by email.  She said she was writing an article for Newsweek about blogging as therapy.  She also told me that she came across my blog and wanted to mention it in the piece.  She wanted to know if I agreed that blogging can be therapeutic and how.  We corresponded back and forth several times and I enjoyed her interest in the His and Hers Depression Blog.

As it turns out, Jessica didn't mention me or this blog in her article because she said, "the article got cut down a ton so it was so short.....sad....it got cut out in editing."  I told her I was disappointed but I understood that these things happen. 

When I read her article, "My Shrink Says........Blog!" I have to agree that it is way too short.  I would love to have read more detail about why she sees blogging as an exercise in exhibitionism.   It would also have been great to read some statistics on how many Psychiatrists are touting the therapeutic power of blogging.  I'd like to give Jessica's article a plug here because I think this reporter is a good writer.  Since she contacted me, I've read a number of her Newsweek articles.  You might enjoy some of the articles too! 

I definitely agree with the following quote in Jessica's article by psychologist, John Suler.  "Revealing too much can cause shame or guilt."  Most of us really don't want to post our deepest thoughts and secrets.  We understand the value of keeping some things to ourselves in order to feel "safe".  



 A Safe and Peaceful Place at my home

I'm feeling much better and hope to be doing a lot more blogging in the weeks to come.  I'm betting some of you have wondered why I chose the domain name, ozzieblackcat for a site about depression.  Well, I'm going to tell you all about it in this post. 

Several years ago when I decided I wanted my own domain, I tried to think of something unique as well as something that wasn't already taken.  At that time I had no idea what I was going to use the domain for.  I know....not good planning.   Anyway, I wanted the domain name of Ozzie because I have a blackcat named......Ozzie.   Well, Ozzie was already taken, of course. 

I decided to run Ozzie's description together with his name..... thus, ozzieblackcat.   I use the name ozzieblackcat as an online identity sometimes.   I also use the name Ozzie as an online identity.  (my preferred identity) 

I built my first website using Microsoft Publisher.  It is no longer online but I still have it on my computer and it is still my favorite website.    I have a small website called  Ozzie's Place where you can see a few pictures of my family members and learn more about both me and my blackcat.  I hope to expand that site someday soon. 

A couple of years ago I decided to start blogging about depression and chose to use the domain name I already owned.....because I like it so much.   So, there you have it.   This is how a depression  blog and the domain name, ozzieblackcat, came about. 

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My youngest child has moved out and is now married.  I am feeling depression as a result of this Empty Nest.   The wedding was beautiful and it was so good to have all of my family together again.   My oldest son left Sunday for his home and I've really felt a lot of sadness since he left.   I apologize for not updating this blog for so many days. 

I reminded my husband this evening that in the nearly 42 years of our marriage there was only one time when I didn't have a child living at home and that was the first 9 months we were married.   His response, "would it help if I started acting like a kid?"   ha!  No, I don't think it would help.  My family has been my life!

I felt the depression that goes along with Empty Nest Syndrome each time one of my four children moved out.  It never lasted too long and I'm hoping it won't with the last one either.  I have good relationships with my children and see most of them pretty often.   It makes me happy to see them happy with their lives.   Maybe that is what has cured me of this sadness and depression each time I have experienced the Empty Nest Syndrome. 

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I'm having some anxiety disorder symptoms this week and I know why.  This coming Saturday, June 21st, my youngest of three sons is getting married.  He will be moving out of our house and I dread the initial empty nest feeling I know I will experience.  My oldest son will be coming home for the wedding and I feel a lot of anxiety about that as well.   I have no explanation for this other than I am so happy and excited to see him that maybe my feelings are getting all confused inside. 

My middle son and my daughter will be coming for the wedding too and this will be the first time all of us have been together for over four years.   My husband and I are busy scurrying about getting things ready for the family gathering at our home.   Today my husband and I bought, hauled and put away what seemed like tons of groceries.  Tomorrow we'll clean house and mow the yard.  Not bad for senior citizens. 

The anxiety disorder symptoms I'm experiencing are headache, nervousness, sleeplessness and worrying.  I'll do much better after the festivities begin......it's the anticipation and preparation that get me all flustered.  I just hope I won't be shaking when I have two of my sons walk me down the aisle for the third one's wedding.

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Many of us blog about our problems with depression in hopes of helping ourselves and others.   Have you ever used texting as an aid in dealing with depression or any other mental health problems?   I can't say that I have would be my first response........... but, I do remember sending an occasional text in an effort to solicit support from a love one. 

Texting is a great way to stay in touch with family and friends because it's so fast.  You can quickly share an interesting idea or picture.  Can you also convey your emotions while sending texts?  I certainly think so.  It only takes a few words to let someone know you need help, support or friendship.  I imagine it would be a bit harder to explain the depths of ones feelings in a text.   It might also be a little difficult to receive a feeling of empathy from the recipient of our text.   Maybe the quality of help depends on those who are doing the texting. 

I read a recent article about texting and would like to share it with you.  Texting Through Your Grief by John M. Grohol, Psy.D.  says texting is a great way to communicate with others when you don’t feel like talking or using some other technology.  In my opinion, talking is the best way to communicate our feelings and problems to either a professional or a loved one.   However, I think journaling, blogging, telephoning and texting can all be useful tools we can use to help ourselves when we need to reach out to others.   I use them all. 

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Yesterday I learned of yet another secret that my spouse kept from me.  He has had a need for over 40 years to keep secrets about things.....lots of things.  I don't think it's good for our relationship, but this time I was prepared mentally to not stress out about his latest secret.  His secrets usually involve hoarding money but there have been plenty of other things too.   I calmly told him what I thought of his latest secret and went on about my business.  Today it's bugging me.....so here I am blogging about keeping secrets in our closest relationships. 

In my opinion good mental health involves having good relationships in our lives.  It's not everything but it's pretty darned important.  I think trust and openness in a relationship are vital to it's success and yet.....how has my relationship lasted over 40 years without these key ingredients?   I think it is because for the most part, I've accepted this person for the very private and secretive person.   However, by accepting this about him, I've also accepted a much lower level of intimacy in our relationship and therein lies one of the reasons for the anger, stress and anxiety I often feel. 

I did an Internet search on keeping secrets and found an interesting article.  The article weighs the pros and cons of keeping secrets in a relationship.  My conclusion is that if you want intimacy in your relationships, reveal the secrets when it feels safe to do so.  

I may have a problem in revealing too much about myself and my feelings.....I'm kind of an open book, so to speak.   However, it feels like a good, honest way for me to be, so I guess I'll continue on my path while others 'keep on' keeping their secrets.  Thanks for listening.

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Some of you know I recently wrote an article for Bloggers Unite for Human Rights.  Shortly after writing that article, I happened upon a blog that caught my attention.  I'd like to introduce you to this blog.  The author is a fairly new blogger, is 36 years old and living in Australia.  Her blog is called, Svasti: A Journey from Assault to Wholeness. She is attempting to unravel the mess that was created in her life by a single incident of violent physical assault in 2005.

According to the blogs author, "Fortunately, I've been prompted to deal with this situation head-on.  The messages weren't gentle and they weren't easy to understand (initially at least).  I feel so much gratitude for this 'prompting' because many people go through their lives and never get the opportunity to face the traumas they've experienced.  Suppressed trauma can and will come out in other ways - such as physical or mental illness.  So as much as it hurts, I'm now strong enough to handle whatever needs to come out."

I think her writing is very open and heartfelt.  She said, "one of the reasons it has taken me so long to confront what happened to me is because I was very busy telling myself that it wasn't so bad....compared to what others have gone through."  I'm looking forward to reading more by this blogger. 

You can find a link on the blog to another site, Women Against Domestic Violence, which can provide good information for anyone coping with domestic violence and the accompanying depression and other mental health problems. 

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